chuii

SONNET 1

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CLAIRE FORMAT [?]

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CONCEPT [kae]

TWICE BLESSED
a novel

NINOTCHKA ROSCA

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MAGNIFICENCE Estrella D. Alfon

A. End [lust] [lust is a primal drive]

Finally, the woman raised her hand and slapped him full hard in the face. Her retreated down one tread of the stairs with the force of the blow, but the mother followed him. With her other hand she slapped him on the other side of the face again. And so down the stairs they went, the man backwards, his face continually open to the force of the woman’s slapping. Alternately she lifted her right hand and made him retreat before her until they reached the bottom landing.

she felt like a child in her arms…

B. Monologue [disorder]

lie on this couch in a relaxed posture, is directed to say whatever comes to mind. Dreams, hopes, wishes, and fantasies are of interest, as are recollections of early family life boob.

after the incident? all guirls school…

symbols…
-man was always so gentle, so kind
-fear dark corners
-knock gently on the door
-nightmare… walking feet, no body…
-smell very faintly of sweat and pomade
-visored cap
-loved her older brother [never l;eave me]
-hate pencils [red and yellow]
-white jumbo pencil
– bus conductor
-afraid of other people, hate proud ones
-ima big girl mindset
-sweat, and his eyes looked very strange
-likes women [kaya nasa psych] due to mothers strength
-sadistic [mother frantic ripping of clothes]
-likes bathing [takes her more than an hour just putting soap ovver2 again]

C. Climax [death] [mother, never leave your children to strangers] [super action]

“…As soon as the boy was gone, the mother turned on Vicente. There was a pause.

Finally, the woman raised her hand and slapped him full hard in the face…”

Vicente’s head

anomorphosis

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~ by saikow on September 7, 2007.

2 Responses to “chuii”

  1. Disordered Displacement

    A 20 year-old girl is lying on a couch and is directed to say whatever comes to mind.

    I.
    It all began when I finished my first grade in primary education. It was mother’s decision to send me out of our house in Cebu. She made arrangements with my aunt Aimee so I could live with them in Malabon, Rizal. And, she also enrolled me into Malabon Normal School, an all girl school run by Maryknoll nuns.

    I could hardly remember my feelings on my first days in Luzon. But, I do remember crying every night after a few days. I guess I got sick of that place. It wasn’t the environment, everyone there had been very kind to me, specially aunt Aimee. She was my mother there.

    Come to think about it, I hated my mother in my first few weeks there. I remember asking aunt Aimee why mother sent me away, she always had the same reason – she always said that the Maryknoll nuns were one of the best teachers in the country. I never knew exactly how mother felt those days, sending her daughter away and keeping her son with them. And I never tried to find out, I might have never understood, anyway.

    Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate my brother. On the contrary, he might have been the main reason why I cried in those nights. I missed him so much and I didn’t really know why. To date, he is the only man I trust. I kept contact with him through letters. We wrote to each other every month. and I still have those letters with me, all of them had the words “stay safe” written on the end. Just like how my letters to him ended with the words “don’t ever leave me…” I always finished my letters to him that way. It was more like a need for me to write them, otherwise, I’d get this uneasy feeling in my heart, like I was anxious over something.

    I even remember imagining that he was beside me in my jeepney rides. Oh, how I hate jeepney rides. The air there is so disgusting. Every time I ride a jeepney, I’d feel like I’m being suffocated by the stench of fresh sweat from pores dried with pomade. I always imagined my brother beside me, there to carry me if I fainted with disgust.

    I hated my school. Those damn nuns kept on changing the location of the school – every year, different location. Perhaps my dislike towards my school was amplified by the way I was towards my school mates.

    I never really got close to my elementary school mates. You could say that I was a bit of a “shoe gazer.” I never bothered looking at my schoolmates faces. Most of them came from the city, so I considered all of them boastful. I never realized that they were thinking the same way towards me.

    I was the only girl using a pen. Others labeled me an “elitist,” since most of them used pencils. I used to love pencils, I even remember bugging someone for it. But I guess things change.

    To hell with what they thought, anyway. I always considered myself a big girl. I never needed friends.

  2. preface…

    [1937] child is 7 [20 si estrella noong ginawa niya ang story]

    07[1937] = cebu
    08[1938] = transfer to Malabon Normal School [grade 2] 7 years [japanese invasion]
    14[1944] = hs [manila is liberated]
    18[1948] = col
    20[1950] = 4th yr college

    Malabon Normal School

    >first few days i got sick in that place, missed family
    >never knew why sent here, mom says its good education
    >missed family, specially brother
    >dont trust men… specially so gentle, so kind air of suspicion
    >describe relationship with brother [please, dont ever leave me…]
    >be there on hated jeepney rides [smell of sweat and pomade]
    >be there afraid of night… fear dark corners
    >hated school, hectic, change sites
    >shy, looked on feet
    >i could hold myself, im a big girl
    >eason, dont like to be proud,
    >but others found me that way, only girl using pen, i used to love pencils, i even remember bugging someone for it…

    >only Hs girl sleeping with light… fear dark corners
    >HS, time pass, met friends
    >became close to girls [so quick things happen in 4 years]
    >manila liberated… [first time out with friends]
    >hate it when men stare specially so gentle, so kind air of suspicion
    >found myself in the cr for hours just putting soap over2 again… need to be presentable to friends when go out…

    >college dreams began [knock gently on the door comes out walking feet, no body…]
    >fell inlove with teacher [beautiful, so strong, ]
    >had relationship with teacher [wanted her to hurt me]
    >found out
    >rant on school [Maryknoll Sisters, TRUTH: true to self? JUSTICE: euality? PEACE: loving relationships between humans?

    INTEGRITY OF CREATION: care for the earth?]

    >now [1950] mom sent me here in new york, thinks that this is a sickness

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