tong its

•March 19, 2009 • 4 Comments

8 of hearts is part of a set…

all hearts,

7 and 9…

and he is the 8 of clubs and 8 of spades,
and she is the 8 of diamonds…
and beside her, the 9 and 10 of diamonds…

to each part of him,
she’s the only solution,

and to the diamonds,

she is an option…

he is also
but an option…



•March 19, 2009 • Leave a Comment

Still engaged in reading [ITAL] Melusina [ITAL]. An impressive achievement.

Have reached Book VI of [ITAL] Melusina [ITAL]. Its aspirations to cosmic reflection might be thought to sit uneasily with its Fairytale nature.

Still reading [ITAL] Melusina [ITAL]. What diligence, what confidence went to its contriving. Miss LaMotte despite a lifetime’s residence in this country, remains essentially [ITAL] French [ITAL] in her way of seeing the world. Thought there is nothing to which one can take exception in this beautiful and daring poem, in its morals indeed.

Today I laid down [ITAL] Melusina [ITAL] having come trembling to the end of this marvellous work. What shall I say of it? It is truly original, although the general public may have trouble in recognising its genius, because it makes no concession to vulgar frailties of imagination, and because its virtues are so far removed in some ways at least from those expected from the weaker sex. Here is no swooning sentiment, no timid purity, no softly gloved lady-like [ITAL] patting [ITAL] of the reader’s sensibility, but lively imagination, but force and vigour. How shall I characterise it? It is like a huge, intricately embroidered tapestry in shadowed stone hall, on which all sorts of strange birds and beasts and elves and demons creep in and out of thickets of thorny trees and occasional blossoming glades. Fine patches of gold stand out in the gloom, sunlight and starlight, the sparkle of jewels or human hair or serpents’ scales. Firelight flickers, fountains catch light. All the elements are in perpetual motion, fire consuming, water running, air alive and earth turning…. I was put in mind of the tapestried hunts in [ITAL] The Franklin’s Tale [ITAL] or in [ITAL] The Faerie Queene, [ITAL] where the observer sees the woven vision come alive under his wondering eyes, so that pictured swords draw real blood, and the wind sighs in pictured trees.

And what shall I say of the scene in which the husband, a man of insufficient faith, bores his peephole and observes his [ITAL] Sirenspouse [ITAL] at play in her vat of waters? I should have said, if I was asked, that this scene was best left to the imagination, as Coleridge left Geraldine – “a sight to dream of, not to tell.” But Miss LaMotte tells abundantly, though her descriptions might be a little [ITAL] strong [ITAL] for some stomachs, especially maidenly English ones, who will be looking for fairy winsomeness.

She is beautiful and terrible and tragic, The Fairy Melusina, inhuman in the last resort.

The sinuous muscle of her monster tail
Beating the lambent bath to diamond-fine
Refracting lines of spray, a dancing veil
Of heavier water on the breathless air

How lovely-white her skin her Lord well knew,
The tracery of blue veins across the snow….
But could not see the beauty in the sheen
Of argent scale and stage-blue coiling fin….

Perhaps the most surprising touch is that the snake or fish is beautiful.

My recent reading has caused me for some reason to remember myself as I was when a young girl, reading high Romances and seeing myself simultaneously as the object of all knights’ devotion — an unspotted Guenevere — and as the author of the Tale. I wanted to be a Poet and a Poem, and now am neither, but the mistress of a very small household, consisting of an elderly poet (set in his ways, which are amiable and gentle and give [ITAL] no [ITAL] cause for anxiety), myself, and the servants who are not unmanageable. I see daily how Patience and Faith are both worn down and hagged with the daily care of their broods and yet shine with the flow of love and unstinted concern for their young. They are now grandmothers as well as mothers, doted on and doting. I myself have come to find of late a kind of creeping insidious vigour come upon me (after the unspeakable years of migraine headache and nervous prostration). I wake feeling, indeed, rather spry, and look about for things to occupy myself with. I remember at sixty the lively ambitions of the young girl in the Deanery, who seems like someone else, as I watch her in my imagination dancing in her moony muslin, or having her hand kissed by a gentleman in a boat.

I hit on something I believe when I wrote that I meant to be a Poet and a Poem. It may be that this is the desire of all reading women, as opposed to reading men, who wish to be poets and heroes, but might see the inditing of poetry in out peaceful age, as a sufficiently heroic act. No one wishes a man to be a Poem. That young girl in her muslin was a poem; cousin Ned wrote an execrable sonnet about the chaste sweetness of her face and the intuitive goodness shining in her walk. But I now think — it might have been better, might it not, to have held on to the desire to be a Poet? I could [ITAL] never [ITAL] write as well as Randolph, but then no one can or could, and so it was perhaps not worth considering as an objection to do something.

Perhaps if I had made his life more difficult, he would have written less, or less freely. I cannot claim to be the midwife to genius, but if I have not [ITAL] facilitated [ITAL], I have at least not, as many women might have done, [ITAL] prevented [ITAL]. This is a very small virtue to claim, a very negative achievement to hang my whole life on. Randolph, if he were to read this, would laugh me out of such morbid questioning, would tell me it is never too late, would cram his huge imagination into the snail-shell space of my tiny new accession of energy and tell me what is to be done. But he shan’t see this, and I will find a way — to be a very little more — there now I’m crying, as that girl might have cried. Enough.


•March 19, 2009 • Leave a Comment

To whom it may concern:

What I do, I do in sound mind, whatever may be decided upon me, and after long and careful reflection. My reasons are simple and can be simply stated. First, poverty.I can afford no more paint and have sold so little work in the last months. I have left four truly pretty flower-pieces, wrapped, in the drawing room, of just the kind that Mr Cressy, upon Richmond hill, has liked in the past, and hope he may offer enough for them to pay for my funeral, should that turn out to be practicable. I [ITAL] particularly wish [ITAL] that this matter be not put to [ITAL] MISS LAMOTTE’S [ITAL] charge, and so hope that Mr Cressy may oblige, otherwise I am at my wits’ end.

Second, and maybe more reprehensibly, pride. I cannot again demean myself to enter anyone’s home as a [ITAL] governess [ITAL]. Such a life is hell on earth, even when families are kind, and I would rather not live than be a slave. Nor will I throw myself upon the [ITAL] Charity [ITAL] of [ITAL] MISS LAMOTTE [ITAL], who has her own obligations.

Third, failure of ideals. I have tried, initially with [ITAL] MISS LAMOTTE [ITAL], and also alone in this little house, to live according to certain beliefs about the possibility, for independent single women, of living useful and fully human lives, in each other’s company, and without recourse to help from the outside world, or men. We believed it was possible to live frugally, charitably, philosophically, artistically, and [ITAL] in harmony [ITAL] with each other and Nature. Regrettably, it was not. Either the world was too fiercely inimical to our experiment (which I believe it was) or me ourselves were insufficiently resourceful and strong-minded (which I believe was also so, in both cases, and from time to time). It is to be hoped that our first heady days of economic independence, and the work we leave behind us, may induce other stronger spirits to take up the task and try the experiment and not fail. Independent women must expect more of themselves, since neither men or other more conventionally domesticated women will hope for anything, or expect any result other than utter failure.

I have little to leave, and would like my few possessions to be disposed of as fallows. This is not, because of circumstances, a legally enforceable document, but I would hope that its reader or readers will treat it with as much respect as though it was.

My wardrobe I leave to our servant, [ITAL] Jane Summers [ITAL], to take whatever she will and distribute the rest as she sees fit. I take this opportunity of asking her to forgive me a little deception. I could only prevail upon her to leave me — despite complete inability to pay her — by assuming a dissatisfaction I was very far from feeling. I had already taken the resolution I now carry out, and wanted her to have no direct responsibility for its consequences. That was my [ITAL] only reason [ITAL] for acting as I did. I am not skilled at dissimulation.

THe house is not in effect [ITAL] mine [ITAL]. It belongs to [ITAL] MISS LAMOTTE [ITAL]. These chattels and furnishings inside it which we bought together with our savings belong more to her than to me, as the [ITAL] richer partner [ITAL], and I wish her to do with them what she will.

I should like my Shakespeare, my Poems of Keats, and Poetical Works of Lord Tennyson to go to Miss Eliza Daunton, if she has a use for such battered and well-read volumes. We often read them together.

I have little jewelery, and that of no value, excepting my cross with the seed-pearls, which I shall wear tonight. My other trinkets may go to Jane, if she likes any of them, excepting the jet brooch of two hands clasped in Friendship, which was given to me by [ITAL] MISS LAMOTTE [ITAL] and which I wish her to take back again.

That is all I have of my own, except my work, which I firmly believe has value, though it is not at present wanted by many. There are twenty-seven paintings in the house at the present time, which are finished work, besides many sketches and drawings. Of these large works, two are the property of [ITAL] MISS LAMOTTE [ITAL]. These are “Christabel before Sir Leoline” and “Merlin and Vivien.” I should like her to keep these works and hope she may wish to hang them in the room where she works, as she has done in the past, and that they may recall to her happy times. If she finds this too painful, I charge her not to dispose of these paintings, either by gift or by sale, during her lifetime, and to make such provision for them in after time as I myself would have made. They are the best of me, as she well knows. Nothing endures for certain, but good art endures for a time, and I have wanted to be understood by those not yet born. By whom else, after all? The fate of my other works I leave equally in the hands of [ITAL] MISS LAMOTTE [ITAL] who has an [ITAL] artistic conscience [ITAL]. I should like them to stay together, if possible, until a taste may be created and a spirit of judgment may prevail where their true worth may be assessed. But I shall, in a little time, have forfeited my right to watch over them, and they must make their own dumb and fragile way.

In a very little time I shall have left this house, where we have been so happy, never to return. I intend to emulate the author of the [ITAL] Vindication of the Rights of Women [ITAL], but, profiting by her example, I shall have sewn into the pockets of my mantle those large volcanic stones which [ITAL] MISS LAMOTTE [ITAL] had ranged upon her writing desk, hoping by that means to ensure that it is quick and certain.

I do not believe that Death is the end. We have heard many marvels at the spiritual meetings of Mrs Lees and had ocular testimony of the painless survival of the departed, in a fairer world, on the other side. Because of this faith, I fell strong in the trust that my Maker will see and forgive all, and will make better use hereafter of my capacities — great and here unwanted and unused — for love and for creative Work. It has indeed been borne in upon me that [ITAL] here [ITAL] I am a superfluous creature. [ITAL] There [ITAL] I shall know and be known. In these later days where we peer in a darkling light through the dim Veil that divides us from those departed and gone before, I trust perhaps to speak, to forgive and be forgiven. Now may the Lord have mercy upon my poor soul and upon all our souls.

Blanche Glover, spinster.


•January 30, 2008 • 2 Comments



•January 21, 2008 • 2 Comments

Unang Tagpo

[Karakter B, papasok sa pintuan ng opisina. Nagmamadali. May hawak na Cellphone sa kanang kamay at may kausap sa kabilang linya. Didiretso sa kanyang desk at aayusin ang mga papel na nakalatag sa itaas nito. Si A ay nasa isang sulok,tahimik na nakadungaw sa bintana.]

B:    [Sa kausap sa celphone.] Yes. He was the accused. Hindi ko nga lang masyadong natatandaan ang mukha non, its been years already. [pansamantalang hihinto.]  Oo, di ba na-lethal injection na yun? [titingin sa relong nasa kaliwang kamay.] Anyway, why did you ask? What?! Nakawala?! Paan— Hello? Hello! Hello – Anak ng! Shit!

[Titingin ulit sa relo at mapapansin si Karakter A na nakatayo at nakadungaw sa bintana.]

B:     Good morning Sir! I’m sorry I’m late. What can I do for you? [Hindi papansinin ni A si B at mananatiling nakadungaw sa bintana.]

B:     Sir?  [Mananatiling tahimik si A kaya magpapatuloy sa pag-aayos ng mga gamit si B.]

A:     Ano ba’ng pakiramdam pag nanalo ka sa isang kaso?

B:     Excuse me?

A:     Siguro maganda ang pakiramdam: isang buhay na naman ang masisira kapalit ng pangalan.

B:     Teka lang ha, may pahahawakan ka bang  kaso? Kasi kung wala, I have a lot of things to take care of.

A:     [Lalapit sa desk ni B. Titingnan at hahawakan  ang  family picture na nasa desk ni B.] magandang buhay siguro ang naibibigay mo sa pamilya mo ano? Sapat na ba ‘yon para maprotektahan mo sila gaya nang pagtatanggol mo sa buhay ng iba?

B:     Sino ka ba?

A:     Alam mo na kung sino ako.

B:      Ano?! Wala akong panahon para makipaglokohan! Leave my office right now mister, or I’ll call security!!

A:     Ganyan ba talaga? Pagkatapos mong masira ang isang buhay, agad-agad mo nang makakalimutan?! Ang galing naman! Nakakatulog ka pa ba nang mahimbing? Anak ng teteng naman! Kayong mga abogado, kayu-kayo lang naman ang nakakaintindi sa gagong batas na yan!

B:     Ikaw?

A:     Nagulat ka ano?

B:    Papano?

A:     Sa talino mong ‘yan? Hindi ka rin naman maniniwala pag sinabi ko kung paano. Kahit ako nga rin eh, pero tingnan mo, andito ako ngayon! [papahina ang boses] Buhay… dahil dito.

B:     Anung kalokohan ‘yang  mga pinagsasabi  mo? Anung ibig mong sabihin? ‘yan? [ituturo ang cloak.] nababaliw ka na yata. [Titingin sa relo.] Malaking oras na ang naaaksaya ko sayo.

A:    [Mas mahinang boses.] Hindi nga rin ako makapaniwala noong una. Hindi ako makakakain ng gabing ‘yon. Ha! Sino ba namang makakakain nang mabuti sa huling oras ng buhay nila. Kung pwede ko nga lang ihinto ang takbo ng oras. Pero talagang siniswerte ako. Alam mo, sa mga panahon na ‘yon handa na akong ibigay ang kaluluwa ko sa Dyablo. At ‘yun nga, dininig ang hiling ko. binigay n’ya to sa akin.

B:     You’re talking shit! I’m just wasting my time with you! Guard!

[dali-daling pupunta sa pinto si B  ngunit mauunahan siya ni A.]

A:     Akala mo ba palalampasin ko ang pagkakataong ito? Panahon na para batas ko naman ang matikman mo!

B:     Wala akong kasalanan…wala akong atraso sa’yo. You deserved it! Tama lang na pagbayaran mo ang mga kasalanan mo!

A:     At sa tingin mo ba hindi ka nagkakasala sa mga nagawa mo?

B:     Magkaiba tayo… hindi ko kailangang pumatay para mabuhay.

A:     Eh, gago ka pala eh! Pareho lang tayo, ginagawa ang lahat para sa pera.

[Hahawakan nang mahigpit ni A ang kwelyo ng damit ni B. Sisikaping makawala ni B sa mahigpit na hawak ni A. Magtutunggali ang dalawa hanggang makarating sila sa magkabilaang gilid ng desk.]

A:     ARGH!

B:     Shit! makukulong ako… S H I T!

[May kakatok sa pintuan.]

B:      What should I fucking do?! [Mapapansin ang cloak]  Hindi…Hindi pwede…

[May kakatok ulit. Matataranta nang husto si B. Dali-daling huhubaran ng cloak si A at isusuot ito.]

B:    Shit naman, ang kati.

Ikaapat na tagpo

[Sa isang selda ng death convict. Isang bilanggo, si E, ang nakatayo sa tabi ng mesa, nakatutok sa orasan.]

E:      [nakatingala.] Oo ser, malapit na nga.

D:      [lalabas mula sa ilalim ng mesa, nahihilo.] No.

E:      Malapit na nga.  Lumalabas na yata konsensya ko e.

D:     [sa sarili.] Hindi pwede.  Ibig sabihin, naimbento ko ang tachyon  [takiyon]. Ibig sabihin, totoo ang spirality, mali si Forward!  Mali si Hawking!  Mali si Einstein!  Ibig sabihin, posible ang teleportasyon!  Ang time travel!  Hahahaha.  [mahihilo] Yosi… [bubunot ng sigarilyo mula sa kanyang bulsa at sisindihan ito.  Patay sindi siya simula dito]

E:      Ser, naman. Pati ba naman konsensya ko, baliw?

D:      Information and beings separate as particles in midtravel, reassembling upon arrival to the time-space destination.  Kaya pala siya nahilo… Hindi pwede… No, no, no.  Teka, nasaan ako?  Sino ka?

E:      Ikaw ang sino! Demonyo ka ba at sinusundo mo na ako?

D:      Hinde. Bakit, kailangan ba?

E:      Oo nga ano.  Teka, maupo muna kayo.  [bibigyan niya ng upuan si D]

D:      [sa sarili]  By travelling through space-time I risk polluting the space time continuum.  [mauupo]  [sa sarili pa rin]  Dahan dahan dapat ang kilos ng, uhm, chrononaut – oo, tama, chrononaut ang itatawag ko sa kanila – dahan dahan dapat ang kilos nito para maiwasan ang isang historical paradox.  [siya ay bubunot ng isang PDA mula sa kanyang bulsa at magsisimulang mag-input ng kung anu-ano]  gumagana pa siya!

E:      Ah, eh, ma’am?  Maitanong ko lang po…  San po ba ang punta ko pagkatapos nito?

D:      Teka.  Pwede ba?  [Patuloy siyang magpipipindot.]

E:      Ano po yun?

D:      [matitigilan]  Wag ka munang magtanong.  [magpapatuloy sa pag-input]

E:      Ah, eh, sorry po.  [susubukan niyang silipin ang mga nakainput sa PDA ni D at magsasabi sa sariling:]  Baka sinisingil na ako nito.  Parang listahan ng last two, pero hightech!

D:      [huhubarin ang time cloak at ilalagay sa mesa]  Sinunod niya Nasunod ang disenyo ko.

E:      Oi! [lalapit sa cloak, at susubukang hawakan ito] Bagong jacket!

D:      Don’t touch that!  Layo! Layo! Naku, hindi mo lang alam kung anong mangyayari sakaling mabago ang sinulid ng space time continuum.

E:      Sino ba yang kon-ting-yum na yan?  Ang gulo niyo namang kausap!

D:      As far as my referential frame is concerned, only minutes have passed, to the one outside mine, however, who knows.  Nonetheless, both time frames are correct, depending on which referential frame is observed.

E:      Mam, ano po bang nangyari sa inyo?

D:      Please.  Wag ka munang magulo.  Sandali lang to.

E:      Eh, medyo… di bale po.  Mukhang di rin po kasi kayo sigurado kung ano ang ginagawa niyo dito eh.  [lilipat ng puwesto si E, tatayo at pupunta sa gawing kabila ng entablado]  Eh, buti kung may oras pa.

D:    [Magkakaroon ng katahimikan sa dalawa, habang titingin-tingin ang inmate sa relo]  Pasensya, pasensya.  Hindi ka siguro maniniwala sa akin kung sasabihin ko kung ano talaga ang sadya ko rito.

E:    Hmmm.  Hindi naman kailangan mam eh.  [sa sarili] Dalawa lang yan e, konsensya kita, o mas modern na bersyon ni kamatayan.

D:    Ha? Nasan ba ako?

E:    Deathrow.  Matatapos na po ang lahat para sa akin sa ilang minuto.

D:    Shit.  Seryoso?

E:    Deadline ko na.  [katahimikan.]  Ano nga po pangalan niyo, miss?

D:    [habang mag-iinput] Tawagin mo na lang akong doc.  [sa sarili] Napakarandom naman ng napuntahan ko.  Hindi ko pa rin hawak ang control sa direction.  Mahirap to.

E:    Doc, di ka ba pinadala para iligtas ako?

D:    Ha?

E:    Wala na akong oras.  Kung isasalba mo sana ako… Kung pwede sana magkaroon ng pag-asa para itama ang mga pagkakamali ko… Hindi ito… Hindi ang pagpatay sa tao ang magpapabago sa kanya. Narinig mo naman siguro yung tungkol sa –

D:    No!  Wag mong ikukuwento sa akin.  The knowledge of this timeframe, wala akong dapat malaman mula sa panahong ito!  Baka may mga irreversible changes sa pattern ng space-time history!   Wag mong ikwento!  [susubukan niyang lumayo mula kay E habang sinasabi niya ito]

E:    Matanong ko lang po.

D:    [irerecord ang sariling boses sa PDA device] Even if one attempts to control space-time travel, time, the universe itself will prevent itself from creating the paradoxes of history and the conservation of mass-energy, it will create a means to balance this change.

E:    Wag niyo pong mamasamain, doc – pero may magagawa pa ba ako para baguhin ang nakaraan ko?

D:    [Magpapatuloy sa pagrecord] May safety sa space dimension na napuntahan ko, dahil nasa loob ako ng selda ng isang death convict, mamamatay na siya – walang makakaalam tungkol dito, at walang magbabago sa space-time history.

E:    [sa sarili]  Ibig sabihin, pag sinuot ko ang ginagamit niyang jacket – dalawa lang ang pwedeng mangyari, mamamatay akong suot ito o malilipat ako sa isa pang lugar.

D:    [magpapatuloy pa rin sa pagrecord] malapit nang magrecharge ang Chronocloak.  Makakaalis na ako.

E:    Makakaalis na ako. Oras na.

D:    [sa sarili pa rin]  Oras na.  Alas tres, malapit na.  Ilang minuto na lang.  Mukhang nakukuha ko na ang pattern.  Pagdating ko sa isang panahong iyon babaguhin ko ang controls.

E:    Doc?

D:    [sa sarili pa rin]  No.  The space-time direction is in need of constant monitoring from the part of the moving temporal explorer.

E:    Doc?  [magsisimulang lalapit si E kay D]

D:      Anyone observing this travel from space-time A to space-time B –

E:    Doc!

D:    Ano?! Punyeta! [sa sarili ulit] Even if I do manage to travel to a different time, two possibilities may possibly occur.  One being –  [lalapit si E kay D habang nagsasalita ito at babaliin ang leeg niya, na siyang ikakamatay ni D.]


[magpapanic si E, at isusuot ang cloak.]  [Lights fade]


•January 20, 2008 • 2 Comments

01> isang dangkal
02> pag-agos
03> oo
04> biglaan
05> africa
06> you and i both
07> i’m yours
08> setting up sunday
09> here you me
10> face down
11> guardian angel
12> miss you love
13> two things
14> round here
15> maybe
16> vulnerable
17> your call
18> rape me
19> bubbly
20> apologize
21> light and the glass
22> take you there
23> melt with you
24> i miss you
25> my hero
26> leave the pieces
27> hey there delilah

28> maan chua… i think of you too often in a day
29> tears



ewan ko ba kung anong meron ka
sa tuwing nakakasama ka ako’y naiiba
nais ko lang na ika’y maka-akbay
makalakad ng sabay, makahawak ng kamay

iisang dangkal na lang
hindi pa makalapit
iisang dangkal na lang
hindi pa makadikit
ako’y naninigas
mukang makakaalpas ka na naman
ba-bye na lang

pangako ko sa susunod
na ating pagkikita
di na mahihiya agad, magsasabi na
ngunit kapag ika’y nasa tabi ko na
ako’y dinadaga, biglang namumutla


paporma-porma pa
pambobola’y memoryado
di ‘yon kagagawan dati
nakahanda na ako


iisang dangkal na lang
[ba-bye na lang]
[nakaalpas ka na naman]
iisang dangkal na lang
[nakaalpas ka na naman]
[ba-bye na lang]


up dharma down

at sa aking pagkubli
hampas ng araw pagdamdam ng gabi
tulog ang iyong mga kamay
di nako makapag antay

isang umaga muling aahon
at sisikat sa mga panahon
na tayong pang dalawa
masayang pagsasama

buong araw ng pag-agos
kailan ang huling unos
di alam kung tatakbo
kusang lalayo sayo

isang umaga muli ng pag-iisa
walang mayakap at makasama
pusong pilit na sinugatan
landas kong karaniwan



up dharma down

di mo lang alam
naiisip kita
baka sakali lang maisip mo ako
di mo lang alam
hanggang sa gabi inaasam makita kang muli

nagtapos ang lahat sa di inaasahang pahanon
at ngayon ako’y iyong iniwan
luhaan, sugatan, ‘di mapakinabangan
sana nagtanong ka lang
kung ‘di mo lang alam
sana’y nagtanong ka lang
kung ‘di mo lang alam

ako’y iyong nasaktan
baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
hindi mo lang alam
kay tagal na panahon
ako’y nandirito pa rin hanggang ngayon para sa’yo

lumipas mga araw na ubod ng saya
di pa rin nagbabago ang aking pagsinta
kung ako’y nagkasala patawad na sana
puso kong pagal ngayon lang nagmahal

di mo lang alam
ako’y iyong nasaktan
baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
puro s’ya na lang
sana’y ako naman
di mo lang alam
ika’y minamasdan
sana’y iyong mamalayang hindi mo lang pala alam

di mo lang alam
kahit tayo’y magkaibigan lang
napapaligaya lang sa tuwing nagkukulitan
baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
ako’y nandito lang
hindi mo lang alam
matalino ka naman

kung ikaw at ako
ay tunay na bigo sa laro na ito
ay dapat bang sumuko
sana hindi ka lang pala aking nakilala
kung alam ko lang ako’y masasaktan ng ganito
sana’y nakinig na lang ako sa nanay ko


malas mo
ikaw ang natipuhan ko
di mo lang alam
ako’y iyong nasaktan


six cycle mind

nandito nakaukit pa rin sa puso ko
nang sabihin mong wag na lang
nandito nakatatak pa rin sa isip ko
kung paano mong tinalikuran ang lahat

kay bilis ba’t umalis, nakakamiss

na bigla lang di ko man lamang nalaman
na mawawala
na bigla lang di mo man lamang naisip
na idahan-dahan
hindi ako sanay sa biglaan
unti unti na lang sanang nawala

hindi ba natin kayang magkunwari
at sabihing sige na lang
hindi ba natin kayang dayain
ang mga yakap sa tuwing lumalambing

kay bilis ba’t umalis, nakakamiss


di ako sanay sa biglaan
unti unti na lang sanang nawala




i hear the drums echoing tonight
but she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation
shes coming in 12:30 flight
the moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards salvation
i stopped an old man along the way
hoping to find some long forgotten words or ancient melodies
he turned to me as if to say, hurry boy, its waiting there for you

its gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
theres nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
i bless the rains down in africa
gonna take some time to do the things we never had

the wild dogs cry out in the night
as they grow restless longing for some solitary company
i know that I must do whats right
sure as kilimanjaro rises like olympus above the serengeti
i seek to cure whats deep inside, frightened of this thing that Ive become


hurry boy, shes waiting there for you

its gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
theres nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
i bless the rains down in africa, I bless the rains down in africa
i bless the rains down in africa, I bless the rains down in africa
i bless the rains down in africa
gonna take some time to do the things we never had


jason mraz

was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me
all things are gonna happen naturally
oh, taking your advice I’m looking on the bright side
and balancing the whole thing
but often times those words get tangled up in lines
and the bright lights turn to night
until the dawn it brings
another day to sing about the magic that was you and me

cause you and I both loved
what you and I spoke of
and others just read of
others only dream of the love, the love that I love

see I’m all about them words
over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
hundreds of pages, pages, pages forwards
more words then I had ever heard and I feel so alive


You and I, you and I
Not so little you and I anymore
and with this silence brings a moral story
more importantly evolving is the glory of a boy


And if you could see me now
Well I’m almost finally out of
I’m finally out of
Finally deedeedeedee
Well I’m almost finally, finally
Well I’m free, oh, I’m free

and it’s okay if you have go away
oh just remember the telephone works both ways
but if I never ever hear them ring
if nothing else I’ll think the bells inside
have finally found you someone else and that’s okay
cause I’ll remember everything you sang


and if you could see now
well I’m almost finally out of.
i’m finally out of, finally, deedeeededede
well I’m almost finally, finally, finally out of words


jason mraz

well you done done me and you bet i felt it
i tried to get you but you’re so hot that i melted
i fell right through the cracks
and i’m trying to get back
before the cool done run out
i’ll be giving it my bestest
nothin’s going to stop me but devine intervention
i reckon its again my turn to win some or learn some

i won’t hesitate no more
no more, no more it cannot wait, i’m yours

well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you’re free
look into your heart and you’ll find love love love
listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
ah la peaceful melody
its your godforsaken right to be loved love loved love love

so i won’t hesitate no more
no more it cannot wait i’m sure
theres no need to complicate
our time is short
this is our fate, i’m yours

i been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
and bendin over backwards just to try to see it clearer
my breath fogged up the glass
so i drew a new face and laughed
i guess what i’m sayin is there ain’t no better reason
to rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
its what we aim to do
our name is our virtue



meg & dia

i’m setting up Sundays
watching the winter grow
so oh… no
oh we’re making excuses
for human frailties
it’s not about me
oh it’s never about me

now home is gone
and I’m lost and alone
now my lover’s gone
and I’m lost and alone

kid I’m right here
and I’m not leaving
and there’s no way to make you stay
but I’m saving all my worries for the day you don’t need me

oh we’re selling out Mondays
watching those children grow
so cold.. no
oh we’re weighing our hands down
our insecurities
it’s not about me
oh it’s never about me

now I cant go on
and I’m lost and alone
now my lovers gone
and I’m lost and alone


kid I’m right here
it’s now morning
there’s no way
please stay

setting up Sundays
setting up Sunday
watching their hearts in soil
it’s not about me
oh oh it’s never about me
making excuses
for human frailties
it’s not about me
it’s not about me
it’s never about me
hey it’s always about me


jimmy eat world

there’s no one in town I know
you gave us some place to go
i never said thank you for that
i thought I might get one more chance
what would you think of me now
so lucky, so strong, so proud
i never said thank you for that
now I’ll never have a chance

May angels lead you in
Here, you, me, my friends
on sleepless roads the sleepless go
may angels lead you in

so what would you think of me now
so lucky, so strong, so proud
i never said thank you for that
iow I’ll never have a chance


May angels lead you in [may angels lead you in]
May angels lead you in [may angels lead you in]

and if you were with me tonight
i’d sing to you just one more time
a song for a heart so big
god wouldn’t let it live

<CHORUS> [x2]

on sleepless roads the sleepless go
may angels lead you in


red jumpsuit apparatus

hey girl, you know you drive me crazy
one look puts the rhythm in my hand
still I’ll never understand why you hang around
i see what’s going down

cover up with make-up in the mirror
tell yourself it’s never gonna happen again
you cry alone and then he swears he loves you

do you feel like a man
when you push her around
do you feel better now
when she falls to the ground
well I’ll tell you my friend
one day this world’s going to end
as your lies crumble down
a new life she has found

a pebble in the water makes a ripple effect
every action in this world will bear a consequence
if you wade around forever you will surely drown
i see what’s going down

i see the way you go and say you’re right again
say you’re right again
heed my lecture


face down in the dirt, she said
this doesn’t hurt, she said
i finally had enough] x2

One day she will tell you that she has had enough
It’s coming round again

<CHORUS> [x2]



red jumpsuit apparatus

when I see your smile
tears run down my face I can’t replace
and now that I’m strong I have figured out
how this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
and I know I’ll find deep inside me I can be the one

i will never let you fall
i’ll stand up with you forever
i’ll be there for you through it all
even if saving you sends me to heaven

it’s okay [x3]

seasons are changing
and waves are crashing
and stars are falling all for us
days grow longer and nights grow shorter
i can show you I’ll be the one


cuz you’re my true love, my whole heart
please don’t throw that away
cuz I’m here for you
please don’t walk away and
please tell me you’ll stay woah, stay woah

use me as you will
pull my strings just for a thrill
and I know I’ll be okay
though my skies are turning gray




millionaires say
got a big shot deal
and thrown it all away but
but I’m not too sure
how I’m supposed to feel
or what I’m supposed to say
but I’m not, not sure,
not too sure how it feels
to handle every day
and I miss you love

make room for the pray
cause I’m coming in
with what I wanna say but
it’s gonna hurt
and I love the pain
a breeding ground for hate but

i’m not, not sure,
not too sure how it feels
to handle everyday
like the one that just passed
in the crowds of all the people
remember today
i’ve no respect for you
and I miss you love
and I miss you love

i love the way you love
but I hate the way
i’m supposed to love you back
and it’s just a fad
part of the teen, teenage angst brigade and


remember today
i’ve no respect for you
and I miss you love
and I miss you love

i love the way you love
but I hate the way
i’m supposed to love you back



found time that isn’t mine
stole from the world, guilty of my crime
how high can we both fly
you answer so soft that you could never be mine
cuz everything’s too complicated
but you wish we could be
it’s wishful thinking that you will
leave everything for me
i know you’re scared to get hurt
it may sound cliche but I’m here to stay
for you I will do whatever it takes, yeah

i may be a fool
it doesn’t really matter
as long as I’m with you
i don’t seem to care
for now I’ll just sit back for awhile
wait for awhile

things got in the way
two things got in the way
those damn things got in the way
two things got in the way


counting crows

step out the front door
like a ghost into the fog
where no one notices the contrast of white on white
and in between the moon and you
the angels get a better view
of the crumbling difference between wrong and right
i walk in the air, between the rain
through myself and back again where? i don’t know
maria says she’s dying
through the door i hear her crying
why? i don’t know

round here we always stand up straight
round here something radiates

maria came from nashville
with a suitcase in her hand
she said she’d like to meet a boy who looks like elvis
she walks along the edge of
where the ocean meets the land
just like she’s walking on a wire in the circus
she parks her car outside
of my house and takes her clothes off
says she’s close to understanding Jesus
she knows she’s more than just
a little misunderstood
she has trouble acting normal when she’s nervous

round here we’re carving out our names
round here we all look the same
round here we talk just like lions, but we sacrifice like lambs
round here she’s slipping through my hands

sleeping children better run like the wind
out of the lightning dream
mama’s little baby better get herself in
out of the lightning

she says “it’s only in my head”
she says “sshhh…i know it’s only in my head”

but the girl on the car in the parking lot says
“man, you should try to take a shot
can’t you see my walls are crumblin?”
then she looks up at the building and says
she’s thinkin of jumping
she says she’s tired of life, she must be tired of something

round here she’s always on my mind
round here [hey man] i got lots of time
round here we’re never sent to bed early and nobody makes us wait
round here we stay up very, very, very, very late

i can’t see nothing, nothing round here [oh]
won’t you catch me if i’m falling?
won’t you catch me if i’m falling?
won’t you catch me cuz i’m falling down on you

see i’m under the gun round here
oh man i said i’m under the gun round here
and i can’t see nothing, nothing round here


secondhand serenade

didn’t you want to hear
the sound of all the places we could go
do you fear
the expressions on the faces we don’t know
it’s a cold hard road when you wake up
and I don’t think that I
have the strength to let you go

maybe it’s just me, couldn’t you believe
that everything I said and did, wasn’t just deceiving
and the tear in your eye, and your calm hard face
makes me wish that I was never brought into this place

there goes my ring
it might as well have been shattered
and I’m here to sing
about the things that mattered
about the things that made us feel alive for oh so long
about the things that kept you on my side when I was wrong


and someday, I promise I’ll be gone
and someday, I might even sing this song
to you, I might even sing this song, to you
and I was crying alone tonight
and I was wasting all of my life just thinking of you
so just come back we’ll make it better
so Just come back I’ll make it
better than it ever was [x2]

<CHORUS> [x2]

[I want it all, don’t leave right now]
[I’ll give you everything]

maybe it’s just me


secondhand serenade

share with me the blankets that your wrapped in
because its cold outside cold outside its cold outside
share with me the secrets that you kept in
because its cold inside cold inside its cold inside

and your slowly shaking finger tips
show that your scared like me so
let’s pretend we’re alone
and I know you may be scared
and I know we’re unprepared
but I don’t care

tell me, tell me
what makes you think that you are invincible?
i can see it in your eyes that you’re so sure
please don’t tell me that I’m the only one that’s vulnerable

i was born to tell you I love you
isn’t that a song already?
i get a B in originality
and it’s true I can’t go on without you
your smile makes me see clear
if you could only see in the mirror what I see


slow down girl — you’re not going anywhere
just wait around and see
maybe I am much more you never know what lies ahead
i promise I can be anyone, I can be anything
just because you were hurt doesn’t mean you shouldn’t bleed
i can be anyone, anything, I promise I can be what you need



secondhand serenade

waiting for your call, I’m sick, call I’m angry
call I’m desperate for your voice
i’m listening to the song we used to sing
in the car, do you remember
butterfly, Early Summer
it’s playing on repeat, Just like when we would meet

i was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
stay with me tonight

stripped and pollished, I am new, I am fresh
i am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
because every breath that you will take
when you are sitting next to me
will bring life into my deepest hopes, What’s your fantasy?


and I’m tired of being all alone,
and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home
[I know everything you wanted isn’t anything you have]

<CHORUS> [x2]

[I know everything you wanted isn’t anything you have]



rape me
rape me, my friend
rape me
rape me again

i’m not the only one, I [3x]
am i the only one…

hate me
do it and do it again
waste me
rape me, my friend

i’m not the only one, I [3x]
am i the only one…

my favorite inside source
i’ll kiss your open sores
i appreciate your concern
you’re gonna stink and burn

rape me
rape me, my friend
rape me
rape me again

i’m not the only one, I [3x]
am i the only one…

RAPE ME! [RAPE ME!] [8x]


colbie calliat

i’ve been awake for a while now
you’ve got me feelin’ like a child now
cause every time I see your bubbly face
i get the tingles in a silly place

and it starts in my toes
and I crinkle my nose
wherever it goes
i always know
that you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
wherever you go

the rain is falling on my window pane
but we are hiding in a safer place
under covers staying dry and warm
you give me feelings that I adore


what am I gonna say
when you make me feel this way
i just mmmmm



i’ve been asleep for a while now
you tuck me in just like a child now
cause every time you hold me in your arms
i’m comfortable enough to feel your warmth

and it starts in my soul
and I lose all control
when you kiss my nose
the feeling shows
cause you make me smile baby
just take your time now
holdin’ me tight

wherever wherever wherever you go
wherever wherever wherever you go

wherever you go
i always know
cause you make me smile
even just for a while


one republic

i’m holding on your rope
got me ten feet off the ground
i’m hearin what you say but I just can’t make a sound
you tell me that you need me
then you go and cut me down, but wait
you tell me that you’re sorry
didn’t think I’d turn around, and say that

it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late
i said it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late

i’d take another chance, take a fall
take a shot for you
and I need you like a heart needs a beat
but it’s nothing new
i loved you with a fire red-
now it’s turning blue, and you say
“sorry” like the angel heaven let me think was you
but I’m afraid



<CHORUS> [x2]

i’m holdin on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground


coheed and cambria

slowly the pen touches paper, in the guidance of the words that you write
memories roll in of the things you once did
and who you once shared them with, is somebody crazy for him
did I bother telling you this, with the words that cross teeth and jump lips
a poor choice of words in wanting to tell you anything
but words don’t come with ease they’re forever my hurt
would it really matter if you were to count the days left with your hands
your focus secure and the loves left you well
smiles staged in photographs here until
she didn’t leave the light on
theres a chance you might have tripped
she wasn’t there to hold on
ignoring the words of your obnoxious little angel
kill or be killed spilled the words from your devil
i’ll lay awake for a while
i’ll leave the light on a while
she couldn’t last a lifetime caught between here and the days of it
burning one star across your arm with every wish it’s hit or miss her
i told you so
i measure distance in lines departing the rest of my life
but you had better things to do
but you had better things to do
ignoring the words of your obnoxious little angel
kill or be killed spilled the words from your devil
i’ll lay awake for a while
i’ll leave the light on a while
she couldn’t last a lifetime caught between here and the days of it
carving her name across your heart with every wish it’s hit or miss her
i told you so
i measure distance in lines departing the rest of my life
if you get put to sleep, like an old dog you’re better off if you get put to sleep
i’ve been cautious with the words I extend
allow this year before the world starts to end
your heart is dead it passed when she left
and I woke to the sounds of you crying
pray for my soul


plain white t’s

i know a place that we can go to
a place where no one knows you
they won’t know who we are
i know a place that we can run to
and do those things we want to
they won’t know who we are

let me take you there
i wanna take you there

i know a place that we’ve forgotten
a place we won’t get caught in
they won’t know who we are
i know a place where we can hide out
and turn our hearts inside out
they won’t know who we are


let me take you there
take you there
take you there

i know a place we’ll be together
and stay this young forever
they won’t know who we are


we can get away to a better place if you let me take you there
we can go there now cause every second counts
girl just let me take you there
take you there


jason mraz

moving forward using all my breath
making love to you was never second best
i saw the world thrashing all around your face
never really knowing it was always mesh and lace

i’ll stop the world and melt with you
you’ve seen the difference and it’s getting better all the time
there’s nothing you and I won’t do
i’ll stop the world and melt with you

[you should know better]
dream of better lives the kind which never hate
[you should see why]
dropped in the state of imaginary grace
[you should know better]
i made a pilgrimage to save this humans race
[you should see why]
what I’m comprehending a race that was long gone by


the future’s open wide [The future’s open wide]
the future’s open wide


<CHORUS> [x2]

I’ll stop the world [x2]



to see you when I wake up is a gift
I didn’t think could be real
to know that you feel the same as I do
is a three-fold, utopian dream
you do something to me that I can’t explain
so would I be out of line if I said, I miss you

i see your picture i smell your skin on
the empty pillow next to mine
you have only been gone ten days
but already I’m wasting away
i know I’ll see you again whether far or soon
but I need you to know that I care and I miss you



too alarming now to talk about
take your pictures down and shake it out

truth or consequence, say it aloud
use that evidence, race it around

there goes my hero
watch him as he goes
there goes my hero
he’s ordinary

dont the best of them bleed it out
while the rest of them peter out


kudos my hero leaving all the best
you know my hero, the one thats on



the wreckers

you’re not sure that you love me
but you’re not sure enough to let me go
baby it ain’t fair you know
to just keep me hangin’ ’round

you say you don’t wanna hurt me
don’t want to see my tears
so why are you still standing here
just watching me drown

and it’s alright, yeah I’ll be fine
don’t worry ’bout this heart of mine
just take your love and hit the road
there’s nothing you can do or say
you’re gonna break my heart anyway
so just leave the pieces when you go

you can drag out the heartache
baby you can make it quick
really get it over with
and just let me move on

don’t concern yourself
with this mess you’ve left for me
i can clean it up, you see
just as long as you’re gone


you not making up your mind
is killing me and wasting time
i need so much more than that
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah


leave the pieces when you go
oh, yeah
leave the pieces when you go
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
leave the pieces when you go


plain white t’s

hey there delilah
whats it like in new york city
im a thousand miles away
but girl tonight you look so pretty
yes you do
time square cant shine as bright as you
i swear its true

hey there delilah
dont you worry about the distance
im right there if you get lonely
give this song another listen
close your eyes
listen to my voice its my disguise
im by your side

oh its what you do to me [x4]
what you do to me

hey there delilah
i know times are gettin hard
but just believe me girl
someday ill pay the bills with this guitar
we’ll have it good
we’ll have the life we knew we would
my word is good

hey there delilah
ive got so much left to say
if every simple song i wrote to you
would take your breath away
id write it all
even more in love with me youd fall
we’d have it all


a thousand miles seems pretty far
but they’ve got planes and trains and cars
id walk to you if i had no other way
our friends would all make fun of us
and we’ll just laugh along because we know
that none of them have felt this way
delilah i can promise you
that by the time that we get through
the world will never ever be the same
and youre to blame

hey there delilah
you be good and dont you miss me
two more years and youll be done with school
and ill be makin history like i do
you know its all because of you
we can do whatever we want to
hey there delilah heres to you
this ones for you



maan chua… i think of you too often in a day


•January 16, 2008 • 14 Comments

There is a pain aimless in the air tonight
and it finds me
as I am thinking of you
I tighten my robe a bit
thinking this way I shall be closer
to what I suffer
closer still to all that shame
that once gathered arms against me
then I hum to myself the odd song
of the beggar maid to the storm
knowing that something terribly old and ancient
has been passed on to us by way of this air
we breathe
and it is not saying anything

What will I do with a fountain
of time
my silence
is a well without a drop of water

I can weep in the dark
weep and its silence will hear me
but it will close its eyes
it will not speak
the evening will tread on
quietly an old man

it will walk on without looking back
without seeing where its shadow
and I can say wait where
are you going

and I can think of all the places I can think of
I can think of walls walls walls
of walls behind which anything lurks

I can lock myself
in a closet full of clothes not my size
fill my pockets with dust
or take off my clothes and imagine
my skin is ice

and I will be standing here
where I am standing stepping on moments
that sharpen into hours like thorns
into my feet
the wound in my heart is deep

the pain does not answer to any name
where is the door
the window the door

I do not remember who you are
everything escapes from my hand
through the spaces between my fingers
into this nameless land

My life is woven out of water
noting stays and everything goes
my memory is a river
forever running its way out of history

I am nothing desired
I am nothing stopped
I come and go any time and any way
alone and ten times alone
I do not have a single breath to mourn for

And always I give out myself for souvenirs
each time passing for something else
for you and those like you
and what I am will be
what I will be for each one of you